My Reason for Fundraising
Focus4Hope provide much needed support to their community. Supporting homeless, victims of social abuse, vulnerable people and the elderly. They have become a vital life line to many individuals and families and need a support worker to help meet the growing demand.
Insight to creating the music, lyrics and video
The piece of music I wrote and recorded was back in 2012/2013 if I recall. It was a tune I felt expressed my frustrations with society and everything that was going on and building up to which we now witness in present day life. How fitting that I find myself using it to bring awareness to hopefully bring change, fingers crossed.
I also used children in this as it portrays the “inner child” of an individual and how for some, they can lose sight of their passion for life they once had as a child...
Why I chose not to speak
Over the years of working with private clients around their mindset, for many people they feel their voice won't be understood. For this reason they tend to hold back from reaching out for help. Lose sight of the goals, dreams and aspirations whilst settling for second best.
This in turn can have impacts on an individual's mental wellbeing, and for some can lead to shutting down from many aspects in life. Some of which include leaving home, quitting work, depression and much more
Please can I ask, if you are able, visit www.walkingwithmybear.com/fundraising and click on the donate button to support my cause.
If you would like to be kept up to date of our work supporting Focus4Hope and other great causes, please click on the subscribe button and register. We'll keep you updated over time
SUBSCRIBEMeet Patch!
Patch is an amazing little tiger cub I bought for my youngest son Mitch, when he was very young. Patch went with Mitch everywhere.
One day Patch had an accident and lost his right eye. Mitch still loved and cherished him and their bond became even stronger.
Mitch meanwhile had a number of years suffering as a child with a painful ear problem to which required surgery.
Being there for the ones we love
As a loving parent, no adult wants their child to suffer, and during his painful experiences, I would try my best to comfort him, whilst one eyed Patch would always be with him, whether it be on a day out, watching an animated movie, or during bedtime stories. Patch would always be with him.
After numerous consultations and medical discussions with the consultant, I was able to get a scheduled date for surgery. Fortunately, at the time, I had private medical and was able to be with Mitch in his own room at the hospital.
Setting the scene and explaining what would happen to a very young child can be challenging, especially when you explain they will go to sleep and may wake up wondering what has just happened.
Setting the scene
Here is where Patch plays such an important role; I also explained to Mitch at the time, Patch would also be having a special operation. To patch up his eye, and that I would be helping the doctors and surgeons to help Patch as well as Mitch.
Needless to say when standing by Mitch (as he held Patch), as he was given the anaesthetic and went to sleep, I then took Patch off him and began surgery myself on his little tiger cub called Patch.
I explained to the medical team that I wanted to ensure that when Mitch woke up, Patch would be next to him with a patch which I would sew onto his eye.
Whilst the specialists did their brilliant work on my son’s ear drum, I began sewing.
Sometimes we can't take the pain away, but we can be there when in need...
I couldn’t take away the pain Mitch felt when he woke up, and to this day I still get a lump in my throat thinking about it. But what I can feel rest assured, is that I was there for him and he had Patch.
Why I want to share this true story
Why am I sharing this with you, you may be asking, given my son is now 16 years old and taller than me! Me and Mitch were literally going through some of his stuff today and we picked up Patch, which I then realised Patch’s story is so pertinent to 2020.
2020 has been possibly one of the strangest years. Filled with mixed emotions and challenges of varying degrees for lots of people.
Yes, some people found challenges they are still coming to terms with, some lost loved ones, lost business, income and much more, with some unfortunately struggling with direction due to many factors beyond their control.
Yet, some found success, some found themselves. Some even found inner peace, love, rekindled friendships and relationships, even started hobbies new and old.
For some people, they found a realisation of what is truly important and direction which excludes the dependency of materialistic items to bring fulfilment or reason to achieve.
Heading into 2021
So, as we enter for 2021, I wanted to share with you the story of Patch.
We may experience challenges from time to time, with varying degrees of intensity and at different stages of our lives.
2021 for many may bring uncertainty, but if you are surrounded by people who truly care, don’t judge, and are willing to help you patch up and repair, so you can rise stronger with an inner strength to achieve your aims goals or aspirations whilst faced with uncertainty. No matter how hard it may seem, having the right support can make all the difference to a smoother journey ahead. Regardless of the uncertainty. Why, because you will have the knowledge you are surrounded by people who care about you, and that hopefully, you will care about yourself.
My promise to help anyone who needs or wants to reach out.
Don’t be scared or too proud to reach out if you feel you need someone there for you. If you don’t have anyone to reach out to, then don’t hesitate to get in touch and I’ll do my best to be there for you all.
I may be just one man, but I have a big heart and strong shoulders.
Wishing you all an amazing 2021 and beyond
With Love
Jonathan
Founder of Walking With My Bear.
Today is Friday 20th November, the date is relevant because during a session with Jonathan I was asked, by the chief himself to write a 5-year plan.
While digging around for an appropriate note-book (since eliminating alcohol from my life i've developed a slight stationary obsession, so the notebook needed to be appropriate- sparkly and inviting).
Understanding your perception of the world
I found an old diary from exactly a year ago. I was working with Jonathan at the time and each day I was to make an entry and start with drawing a pair of glasses; the glasses were to resemble how I was viewing my mood at the time. For example;
Clear glasses = feeling good/positive/strong,
Frosted glasses = feeling a bit flat/anxious/a bit vulnerable
Tinted glasses = a bad day/very anxious/restless/urge to escape my head/low mood/volatile.
This was a good exercise to do in order to stop me focusing on all the negatives, accept situations and do something about it, put a positive flip on it and learn from it.
Learning my daily perception of life each day
At first I thought it was a bit silly but it started to help me and I could see what I was doing, when I had a good day and made me realise that I was actually having some good days. I suppose I started to appreciate my good days and there's light at the end of this dark, lonely tunnel. It also helped me to reflect on the day and encourage a more logic way of thinking.
So, on Thursday 21st November 2019 I was in early stages of recovery, very vulnerable and I'd only been out of detox about 4 weeks.
Here’s the diary entry for this day.
"Woke up 9am, no rush to get ready. Pottered and made buns for a charity event (no idea what this occasion was) *insert clear glasses*. 10am *insert total shaded glasses* Barry (my sons Dad, it's not his actual name) text to say Bob (my son but also not his actual name) is staying at his Christmas Eve in a really blunt, dictating way, after I has asked if he could stay with me.
I started panicking, couldn't breath, cried and rang my Mum. She said they would sort it, I managed to avoid a panic attack. I'm scared, because if he doesn't stay, I don't know how I'd deal with it. I remember how I felt at the time, the urge was to drink to lose myself from my feelings, and I was genuinely worried about my safety, I was capable of anything.
I feel it's my turn to have him as I in hospital over last Christmas but "Barry" said it wasn't, I don't think that’s fair. I rang Morag (she was my amazing community mental health nurse) and she said to enjoy the time I have with him, which is true...make new memories.
I have since reflected on this and I can now see his reason behind why that's this years arrangement (see...diary writing has a way of making you realise your original impulsive thinking isn't logical). I have no idea how Bob was while I was confined to hospital for all those months, Barry has been there for him over the past year, done the hard work while i've been AWOL. I feel I am trying so hard to rebuild everything, be the good mum Bob deserves. I suppose it is good that I want that, I can't change the past, I didn't chose that path. I have to live with the devastation I caused. But the past is where it stays. 5pm, saw Bob and he had his tea, he was very good." *clear glasses.
Does it help writing things down?
In all honesty I had forgotten how powerful and eye-opening writing thoughts and feelings down is, it takes the metaphorical blinkers off your thinking. I can see exactly where my defensive "woe is me" attitude instantly kicked in through reading that past entry (if he was there in person, I would have totally lost it) and as I had a bit of time to calm down, I took a more logical view on the situation.
This dairy entry also demonstrates that reaching out to people when you are in a crisis is vital, helpful and there's nothing to be ashamed of. People want to help. They would much rather you reach out than the potential alternative (e.g. relapse). It's also so important to look back and acknowledge progress.
Back then I took every day as it came, planning ahead was out of the question. Here I am devising a 5-year plan (we do recover!!).
Why I devised a 5-year plan
So back to the reason why I was asked to devise a 5-year plan. In the session with Big Jonny our opening conversation went a bit like this (to set the scene, Jonathan was in his usual attire-suit, cuff links, groomed salt and pepper hair etc. I on the other hand was donning my dressing gown, not even looked in the mirror that morning nor had I run a brush through my hair.
"How are you today, Jen"?
"Jonathan....I'm bored, fed up of this lockdown and fed up of not being able to see anyone. I like people nowadays".
After discussing the weeks’ events (which will be a separate blog I'm currently working on), Jonathan asked me to write a 5-year plan. I agreed, not really thinking it was a big deal. However, he brought it to my attention that it will be very significant, my mind was ready to plan and I was ready for more challenges hence the bored feeling. Previously I took every day as it came, made no future plans (this is a good thing and vital for early recovery) as pre-recovery my life was chaotic, I was volatile and in and out of hospital.
Trying to plan ahead when my mindset wasn't focused
I tried booking things when my drinking and eating was steady, however subconsciously it must have been too much for me because as the events got nearer, I'd end up drinking into an oblivion. Or, if I did manage to attend (this only happened once), I ended going home early as I drank too much.
There were a number of occasions where I would book events, spas for me and my friends, theatre break for me and my mum, even arranged a trip to Ibiza as I was maid of honour. All of which I would pull out of, or, have to go home early due to my excessive drinking. It wasn’t a pleasant time.
I want to share this with you, so you can get to understand how a person can reach such low points, yet whilst they are in the mist of mayhem, they don’t really understand the havoc and upset they are causing. It’s not intentional, it’s just your mindset at that time.
So, at first when you are on the road to recovery, taking each day, one step at a time it’s vital to ensure you don’t overload yourself.
Sometimes, the help and answers we're searching for, are right in front of our nose!
I didn't know where to start with a 5-year plan, so I did a bit of research online and there is a lot more to it than writing a little list of things you want to happen. I really advise that you consider devising one if you feel able to.
I then remember I had Jonathan’s book “How To Build On Tectonic Plates”. Part of which helps you break down your plan, both mentally and financially, so you can program your mind on a deep routed level and evoke your emotional drive!
I realised that planning a 5-year period of aims goals and aspirations, not only allowed me to make improvements to my life, but also improve/maintain existing goals and appreciate the good things I already have.
As I researched, I was planning my personal plan I realised that written down in front of me was what was important to me, minus distractions. As I started writing, other values popped up which I may have overlooked or taken for granted if it was just a plan in my head. I could also return to my ideas if other ideas came up and recap to eliminate some things that were not as important as first thought.
Identifying why I found it useful to create a plan
I'm going to bullet point my other findings as I'm running out of different words to use for "ideas".
Reasons why I found it useful to devise a plan, and encourage others who are confidently able to make future plans, to do so too ......
I am now in a strong position to make future plans, so it is exciting and maybe making a plan would ensure I kept "my eyes on the prize", focused and that I wasn't venturing into the unknown.
I realised it was more than a "to do list", as I first thought. 5 years is a nice time to make realistic changes and also enough time for the time scale of goals to be flexible (i.e lengthening/shortening).
I thought I'd learnt quite a lot about myself recently, but I found out more of who I wanted to be, what I wanted to do career wise, what I wanted in my future and realised my visions, ambitions and values.
I could think of a more logical way of reaching my goals by assessing my strengths, making use of them and being honest about what I needed to work on (this worked for my personal and career goals).
It broke everything down into simpler steps so it wouldn't seem like a mountain, which would have put me right off. It now looked more manageable and achievable.
I can now look back and see if I'm on track, both with the steps and reaching my goals. Also making adjustments along the way as we all know life isn't plain sailing.
If I'm not making progress it would be easier to work out why.
You can use templates for a 5 year plan, but I actually enjoyed creating my own (my stationary addiction came in handy, my 5 year plan is very colourful and nice to look at). On a more serious level it is unique to me, my personal circumstances and my individual values. Everyone's will be different.
The importance of visualising your plan.
I visualised my realistic, ideal future (where, what and why to maintain). It was like an epiphany (well-what I’d like to think was an epiphany), an epiphany of what truly makes me happy, NOT what I think is expected of me (if I went by other people’s expectations, I messed that up decades ago).
After doing this whole exercise I was content and confident with the path my life will hopefully go. I had tangible goals that I feel I could achieve in a real way along with the steps to get there and keep me on track. Its more specific, broken down and gives me confidence that I can actually achieve it.
My reason for writing this blog
The reasoning behind this blog and sharing all this is because if you are in a similar stage of recovery, or even know someone who is reaching out for help (maybe further on or it's still early days), I totally understand. Sharing what's helped me (e.g.-daily journal writing) may give you hope, ideas, or just reassurance with what you may be going through, re recovery, is normal, it's not easy but it's worth it.
I also wanted to put across that it's important to take each day as it comes but living like that is not forever, I had to get my mind and physical health strong enough to take on bigger challenges. At first I even found taking each day as it came extremely hard, but now that's not enough, my mind is ready for long term goals.
It's taken me over a year to achieve what I thought was impossible. Hard graft but totally worth it. I'm so thankful to Jonathan and for what feels like a replanning of my mind. The old guy knows what he's talking about!!!
Can you achieve from the place of impossible?
I've probably said this before but I'm living proof that we do recover but it takes time (there's a reason it takes time), it's totally worth it and you CAN turn what seems like the impossible into possible. The phrase I used to think was a load of bull, but I know otherwise!
Warmest wishes
Jenny's Journey
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Saturday 21st November 2020
I’d like to use the testing day of a sport’s car when the mechanics are fine tuning - analogy.
As the driver drives the car to its limits, when the driver identifies something that’s not right, he signals into the cockpit team and comes back in so they can adjust and go back out. Usually with great results although sometimes the driver takes it back into the cockpit as it’s not right. They keep trying and testing until they get it right.
Today for me is a similar scenario. I’m not a race car but I’m me and I’m pushing to be very best I can be.
The day got off to a steady start, albeit a reasonable pace. That said I noticed my right calf muscle was tighter than usual and doesn’t want to play along!
I complete the first 10mile lap at a respectable 2 hours 15mins 34 seconds. I knew I could achieve the sub 6hour target if I manage the pace.
Hydration is good, fuel intake spot on, mindset as usual flawlessly driving me as I enjoy my journey of the day!
What do you do when things don't go to plan?
The first 10 kilometres Is mainly uphill with only a few sections where I can increase my pace. It zaps the life out of my legs I can tell you! Just past the 18.5 kilometres, my right leg locks up. I have severe cramp in both front and back and I drop my sticks to deal with it. Just as I began to set off, my leg kept locking up. Not good!
The last time I got cramp like this and continued, was 16 miles into the Wolverhampton marathon. I persevered and paid the price by struggling to walk for 3 days after although completing the marathon in 3hours 43minutes.
So, I knew today was no day for a PB, but merely get 20 miles completed get home (pit stop at the cockpit analogy) and sort my leg out ready for another hard training session tomorrow.
17 miles done and 3 miles to go. As I continued, my rear muscles in my left leg began to cramp as well. So it became a game of stop stretch go and repeat.
I knew if I lowered my pace, kept my heart rate at around 115-120, I could see the next 3 miles through even though I was still in some parts fighting with myself to try and increase my pace against the cramps.
That said I reached the car just short of 20 miles in 5 hours 5 minutes 54 seconds.
Is there a silver lining in the experience?
This is promising signs! Why, because even though I couldn’t push the level I wanted I’m seeing the times evidently show I’m getting faster and stronger whilst pulling the tyre.
I could have pushed on and pushed 30 miles for the day, but with too much risk taking me out for tomorrow. A great positive experience for me. Why? In the sub-zero conditions, my ego/mind needs to know when to take a step back so that I can go 10 steps forward etc.
Whilst I know confidently, I can manage and control my mindset, it’s always good to apply in training so your mind is ready and can act automatically when needed.
At home I rested, stretched and consumed lots of lovely food, as well as maintaining my hydration. Early bed ready for getting myself out of the bed for 4.30am. with expectations my legs will be fine for the morning.
Can we sometimes miss what’s around us when we get too focused and channelled in our vision?
Sunday 22nd November 2020
A day full of intentions to push and see if a PB could be achieved with the tyre. I woke up feeling relatively OK, but if being honest the thought of going back to sleep at 4.30am was very tempting! That said I got my lazy butt out of bed and began the process of prepping myself for a long day with intentions of rattling off 40-50 miles.
The weather forecast was said to be cool but dry. Not sure they were completely right!
As I set off, head lamp on as it was still dark, my energy is great, mindset as always solid, but in the back of my mind is the concern about the muscles, bands/tendants/ligaments in the right leg after yesterday’s episode.
So my decision was to not jog for the first hour once I’d past the incline sections, at which point my legs would be relatively loosened off.
Things seemed to be going OK, with a good walking pace of approximately 6kmh.
I found myself continuously being distracted by the beautiful reflections in the reservoirs.
Can we lose sight of the beauty and great things that are right in front of us?
It’s not often you get to see things so calm and I took time out to enjoy the journey.
I made a conscious choice very early in the journey today, and that was to enjoy the stunning scenery. Yes, I could have pushed for a PB, but to be honest, the scenery was more important.
I feel we can sometimes miss what’s around us when we get too focused and channelled in our vision. Simply, we can miss so much, so I chose to enjoy the day and I don’t have an issue with the decision I made.
I see and hear it sometimes when people wish they had spent more time with their loved ones, kids etc when they are transitioning for retirement and reflect on their past.
As I reached the stone bridge around 9 kilometres, I noticed my pace was holding well and figured I’d make up more time on the second lap.
1st lap completed and my time wasn’t too bad considering the stops, but something was still not right. Whatever happened yesterday when my right leg locked up, it had clearly disturbed something, and my glute was twitching with an urge to cause problems. I eased of slightly and kept a reasonable pace.
What do you do when things don't go to plan?
From about 20 kilometres onwards, although I tried to jog a few sections, whenever I stepped it up a gear, my right leg agitated by my glute, giving me the impression it was ready for locking again. This continued for the remaining 12 kilometres. It was clear no PB was being achieved.
Me being me, I pushed on but with an increased sense of awareness and a steady pace to manage my condition.
Whilst I had intentions to complete 40 miles on the Sunday giving a total of 60 for the weekend, it was clear had I pushed for the mileage, whilst my energy nor fitness wasn’t an issue, something wasn’t right with my right leg firing order.
The night before, I realised what I had been doing over the last 2 weeks differently which had contributed to my leg locking up on the Saturday, and I knew this was the cause.
I know with my healing ability/recovery rate, if I didn’t push the 40 miles today, I would have every chance for a potential PB next Saturday.
So I took the decision to enjoy a steady 20 miles and enjoy the scenery and the aspiration to achieve a sub 6 hour tyre pulling marathon continues.
Focusing on what I can influence, and allowing the things I can't influence to unfold.
On the basis international travel restrictions are relaxed by mid to late January 2021, and I am allowed to enter the Yukon and Alaska to complete my 1,000 mile unsupported arctic expedition trek, my training plan has 6 weeks remaining before I ease off.
My aim, to achieve the sub 6 hour trye pulling marathon and complete a 200 mile tyre pull over 4 days by Christmas 2020.
I hope you enjoy the pictures I’ve shared, and thank you to everyone who has been following my journey so far.
Warmest wishes
Jonathan
If you would like to be kept up to date with my training and 1,000 mile adventure, click below.
Is this your stairway to freedom?
This time last year I was fresh out of detox still struggling to walk to the corner shop on my own, still violently shaking and still struggling to even open a bottle of juice.
Fast forward to today (30th October 2020) and I am off to climb Pen-Y-Ghent.
Is there hope when working against the perceived odds?
It was my mum that brought this to my attention, what a difference a year can make (and hard graft). Me and "big Jonathan" (that's what my son named him. There is logic behind this title - his Uncle is called Jonny, too) are off up a mountain. This made me realise that I need to reflect and be proud of how far I've come. To learn from my mistakes and that it is dangerous to be complacent.
Was I ready to progress my journey of recovery to a whole new level?
There is reasoning behind Jonathan and myself going up this big old hill. It is to "take my recovery to a new level". A level that I have previously not been ready for or strong enough (mentally or physically) for. Dreading is the wrong word, but I was quite apprehensive, and my anxiety was itching to tag along. What will we dig up/talk about?
In the car on the way there, even when my mind tried to prevent him, Jonathan (as always) got into my mind without me fearing his questions and asked "What was your earliest memory of binge/purging/bulimia". My reply...."I remember the exact moment I first did it. I even remember what I was wearing. Now I'm thinking about it; I can feel the same feeling and I have the same thoughts as I did back then". It was weird and I'd never actually spoken about it before.
Understanding my history.
Here's the scene …
I had started my healthy eating regime and I had gone to my friend’s house before the stables. Her mum made the most amazing cakes. We all had some, then we all had some more. Not only did I feel sick, but I felt so guilty for ruining my new regime, the guilt wouldn't leave my thoughts. We arrived at the stables and I made myself sick into a bucket (I have never admitted this). I was about 13 years old and my young naive mind thought I had discovered something magical ... I could still eat cake and not worry about putting on weight. Or as I was told as a child at parties "don't eat anymore, Jen, you'll end up like a certain celebrity" (I’ve excluded the name out of respect to the celebrity), I could still eat cake and release that horrible full/guilty feeling.
My mum did suss out something one day, although I don't think she realised the severity of my new issue, she took me to the doctor who clearly didn't know what to do and I was given a book about counting calories. Useful!!!
Sorry ... I’ve gone off the subject but just wanted to provide some background. Jonathan then asked, "how did you know how to do it"? I wasn't too sure at first, but I do remember someone doing it at school, after eating just an apple. I thought it was a bit odd, and just assumed it was attention she was after. Jonathan asked if it may have been attention I was wanting. For me, it was the opposite, my little secret. I didn't want anyone to know because if anyone found out, I’d be made to stop and I’d lose my release.
Preparing for the potential storm ahead.
We parked up in Horton-in-Ribblesdale. The weather wasn't too cracking, it was quite damp with low clouds, but apparently it was ideal weather for what we were doing today. "But I can't see how savage the hill is or what’s behind those clouds" I moaned. But Jonathan (like he always does) put a positive spin on the situation. "How do you know it's going to be savage, it might be easy, beyond the clouds could be something amazing". When faced with the unknown why do I always assume the unknown to be a negative experience? Can anyone relate?
Up ahead was a long winding path ascending into low clouds, with gates at various intervals. This was going to be my journey and along the way we were going to deal with the "doors" to my past; some horrendous experiences, and finally close them. Whilst they are still open they are contributing to my negative coping behaviour, as I used them back then to cope at the time.
How I learned to energise both my mind and body.
This was the start of a significant journey, looking up at the cloudy path ahead I had to walk tall, confident, looking ahead, noticing what was ahead, as though I was heading for a battle. Paying attention to my breath was important, too, not only as I was struggling with my asthma (nothing to do with the fact I’ve still not quit smoking) but to "breath in the energy around me". Jonathan explains that there is energy all around us and to concentrate on the negative feelings and where they are and to exhale them, and to fill yourself with the positive energy, strength, through your breathing. Jonathan will be able to explain this much better than I can. You may have heard before that if you omit positive vibes you attract positive energy back, two-fold. It's worth trying, however be careful of "mood hoovers"(people who are attracted by your positive nature but subconsciously hoover it out of you and bring you down, especially as they deplete your energy).
Breaking things down into manageable amounts
Approaching the first gate I had to think of the things from the past that could still be influencing me today. There were a few situations that I thought I’d buried, but in honesty I have never dealt with or spoken about them. I was about to face the battle and when I touched the gate to go through, my battle commenced. I had a song in my head ‘It's time by Imagine Dragons’, very apt for the moment. When I touched the gate it was time to start my journey, I had to think and deal with the first issue from the past up until we get to a pile of stones ahead, the "check point". It was at the check point where I would leave this issue for good and "close the door on it". Deep breathing to release it. This continued as we ascended the hill until I actually had to stop as my backside was hurting. I thought I was quite fit; I run, do weights, I felt a bit deflated.
So, we stopped, paused, took some deep breaths and as I exhaled the pain went away. Jonathan brought it to my attention that this pausing can be used in everyday life when you are having a difficult moment/situation or life is busy or your head is sad/hurting ... pause, give yourself time to assess the situation, try to gain some logic in the moment. That is all it is, a moment, I (and you) have the ability to influence a change in our thinking, sometimes I just need reminding as it's all too easy to go into autopilot mode.
We kept climbing and at various stages closed a few more doors. Then we reached a flight of steps (not sure if "a flight of steps" is the correct terminology halfway up a mountain, let’s just go with it). "Have you ever heard of the phrase, stairway to heaven" Jonathan asked. "Well this is your stairway to freedom, free of your past. A new start, a new chapter".
Maintaining a natural sense of excitement
I can honestly say that I was excited to climb these steps. May I add there were more steps than at Whitby Abbey, I’m sure. The feeling in my stomach was no longer heavy, I felt light and genuinely felt like I was leaving the past behind. I worked out I’d been carrying around those horrendous experiences from the past for over 15 years. After a couple of pauses whilst climbing the stairs, (I had done circuit training the night before and my legs were reminding me of this) we reached the top. Couldn't see anything but I felt like I had won the battle. The descent was going to be "all downhill from now" (pun intended).
Is life like climbing a mountain?
On the way down, I reflected on what I had achieved today. Life is like climbing a mountain, it's a journey of ups and downs (and savage steps).The ascend to the top is often a struggle, a battle, the hard work. But once you get to the top there's the vista, you have achieved something worthwhile. You've made it, won the battle then you can enjoy the downhill bit.
Living proof you can go onto to experience an amazing life
When life gets hard it is definitely worth the battle. I am living proof of this. I can't even begin to explain how hard my recovery has been and if I’m honest, I’m surprised I had it in me. To get through and survive what I have. I have been so lucky to have the support of my parents and Jonathan along the way. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be here now. Sober and enjoying life more than I ever have.
Wishing you all an amazing journey
Jen x
Have we reached a stage where the majority of mindset techniques being applied are mainly about coping?
My fear is yes, this is the case.
Learning to cope without addressing underlying issues
I like to observe how people are influenced by certain mindset approaches. To my horror, for most of 2020, especially given the psychological impacts COVID19 has had on many people, I feel there has been too much reliance on coping strategies. Merely learning to cope, and not addressing underlying issues, can have long term implications and consequences to the individual.
Is it enough to encourage a person to just focus on breathing techniques?
In essence, encouraging people to just cope as they go through this challenging period in many people’s lives is not acceptable as a whole.
For example, to get through a challenging outlook, is it enough to encourage a person to just focus on breathing techniques? Or should we be actually examining the individual’s thoughts, actions and feelings that lead to their own perception of why they are suffering psychologically? Whether it be anxiety, stress, loneliness, depression or more.
OK, you could say, well hang on a minute, Jonathan, why aren’t you doing something about it?
Well, I am with my private clients.
This is why I have created what I feel is a very effective technique that not only empowers individuals to maintain a safe mind. They will come to understand which doors open to habits, feelings, automatic conditioned responses, perceptions, attitude to risk and much more. Automatically guiding an individual on how to think, feel and act in any given situation.
You see, teaching someone a coping strategy is OK for bringing initial stability and calmness. But what happens when the effects wear off and the mind gets used to each technique? It’s like a virus learning to adapt to the host and learns to avoid the defence mechanisms within! So over time, the virus knows to how bypass the defence mechanism because it has learnt.
Another way of explaining, is how frequent and inappropriate use of antibiotics can cause bacteria or other microbes to resist the effects of antibiotic treatment. This is called bacterial resistance or antibiotic resistance.
Just like a coping strategy ‘copes’ with overwhelm for some; the mind will overcome this, and the effects of coping strategies just simply wear off. Ultimately leaving an individual feeling very low, despondent, and often much worse.
So how do we move away from coping strategies and techniques?
Well, we first look at bringing stability to the foundations in your mind. This is not an overnight experience for many people. However, I have had moments with clients where we have had overnight success!
You have to understand that each person’s mind is different from the next. Their experiences are collated and intertwined and interconnected differently to the next person. It’s not just a case of one size fits all. Each person may require a different approach, so forgive me for not listing all the techniques applied. I wish to provide an overview at this stage.
Is it important to learn how you've become programmed?
Once we have stablised your mind, we then look at how you have become programmed/influenced over the years. Special care is required when helping some people during this technique! As with Pandora’s box, if you open the Pandora’s box of the mind, without preparing the mind, it can have dangerous ramifications/consequences. So special care is needed in some circumstances.
We then need to spend time analysing and understanding how each door to a memory (where appropriate at each stage of the process) can be intertwined/linked to any aspects of your mind, body and spirit. Sometimes, we don’t open certain doors until the client is ready. In other circumstances, the mind won’t allow the client to recognize a memory until certain aspects of the mind has been resolved and put to rest as they say.
Once we understand the network of intertwined thoughts, actions and feelings, we then begin the process of understanding how to close each door.
However, it is important to understand as each door closes, another door opens. The old saying “as each door closes, a new door opens” But what new door are we opening? This brings more varied techniques into the equation!
So, we have to plan; visualise, have a strategy and much more when we go through this process. In essence, we empower your mind with a sense of purpose, clarity and ability to be adaptable with the unknown.
Are you aware of how your thoughts, actions and feelings are intertwined?
Once a client has progressed through the “Spiders Web” of intertwined thoughts, actions and feelings, we then move onto working in the outside world (take a look at this personal account in Jenny’s Journey Part 9.
Where appropriate when I work with clients outside, it is not uncommon for other forgotten thoughts, actions and feelings to arise, and it’s not uncommon to work with emotional release. Identifying and the release of limiting beliefs and much more; including empowerment from within, the countryside is a great environment in which to work with clients.
Why understanding the medical history of a client is so important.
When working with clients who have a history with medical intervention, whether pharmaceutical or herbal, we learn how the mind, body and spirit have become dependent on this type of supplementary support.
For some, the epicenter of their mind becomes reliant on the supplements/medication. We have to create a plan and exercise the mind, body and spirit to be empowered to have an exit plan away from the supplements/medication.
Whilst a client undergoes the exit strategy away from medication and herbal pick-me-ups, we work closely with the client’s GP. Train the mind, body and spirit on how to reignite its true capabilities and natural ability to generate and circulate examples such as dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, endorphins and much more. All of which influence an individuals’ ability to develop a healthy mind, body and spirit.
We also must consider the impacts of a client’s diet. This may mean referring a client to a nutritional specialist if appropriate.
Are you committed to the long haul?
For me, if a client is willing to commit to the long haul, then whether it’s 1, 2, 5, 10 sessions or more, or even intensive half or full day sessions, completing the appropriate homework/practices is essential (and much more with me), one thing is for sure, successful outcomes will materialise.
It is just whether you are willing to commit.
Wishing everyone safety and wellness through the 2nd lockdown phase.
Warmest wishes
Walking With My Bear
(If you want to know more, why not reach out to us and we'll get back in touch).
