Have we reached a stage where the majority of mindset techniques being applied are mainly about coping?

My fear is yes, this is the case. 

Learning to cope without addressing underlying issues

I like to observe how people are influenced by certain mindset approaches. To my horror, for most of 2020, especially given the psychological impacts COVID19 has had on many people, I feel there has been too much reliance on coping strategies. Merely learning to cope, and not addressing underlying issues, can have long term implications and consequences to the individual.

Is it enough to encourage a person to just focus on breathing techniques?

In essence, encouraging people to just cope as they go through this challenging period in many people’s lives is not acceptable as a whole.

For example, to get through a challenging outlook, is it enough to encourage a person to just focus on breathing techniques? Or should we be actually examining the individual’s thoughts, actions and feelings that lead to their own perception of why they are suffering psychologically? Whether it be anxiety, stress, loneliness, depression or more.

OK, you could say, well hang on a minute, Jonathan, why aren’t you doing something about it? 

Well, I am with my private clients.

This is why I have created what I feel is a very effective technique that not only empowers individuals to maintain a safe mind. They will come to understand which doors open to habits, feelings, automatic conditioned responses, perceptions, attitude to risk and much more. Automatically guiding an individual on how to think, feel and act in any given situation.

You see, teaching someone a coping strategy is OK for bringing initial stability and calmness. But what happens when the effects wear off and the mind gets used to each technique? It’s like a virus learning to adapt to the host and learns to avoid the defence mechanisms within! So over time, the virus knows to how bypass the defence mechanism because it has learnt.

Another way of explaining, is how frequent and inappropriate use of antibiotics can cause bacteria or other microbes to resist the effects of antibiotic treatment. This is called bacterial resistance or antibiotic resistance.

Just like a coping strategy ‘copes’ with overwhelm for some; the mind will overcome this, and the effects of coping strategies just simply wear off. Ultimately leaving an individual feeling very low, despondent, and often much worse.

So how do we move away from coping strategies and techniques?

Well, we first look at bringing stability to the foundations in your mind. This is not an overnight experience for many people. However, I have had moments with clients where we have had overnight success! 

You have to understand that each person’s mind is different from the next. Their experiences are collated and intertwined and interconnected differently to the next person. It’s not just a case of one size fits all. Each person may require a different approach, so forgive me for not listing all the techniques applied. I wish to provide an overview at this stage.

Is it important to learn how you've become programmed?

Once we have stablised your mind, we then look at how you have become programmed/influenced over the years. Special care is required when helping some people during this technique! As with Pandora’s box, if you open the Pandora’s box of the mind, without preparing the mind, it can have dangerous ramifications/consequences. So special care is needed in some circumstances.

We then need to spend time analysing and understanding how each door to a memory (where appropriate at each stage of the process) can be intertwined/linked to any aspects of your mind, body and spirit. Sometimes, we don’t open certain doors until the client is ready. In other circumstances, the mind won’t allow the client to recognize a memory until certain aspects of the mind has been resolved and put to rest as they say.

Once we understand the network of intertwined thoughts, actions and feelings, we then begin the process of understanding how to close each door. 

However, it is important to understand as each door closes, another door opens. The old saying “as each door closes, a new door opens” But what new door are we opening? This brings more varied techniques into the equation!

So, we have to plan; visualise, have a strategy and much more when we go through this process. In essence, we empower your mind with a sense of purpose, clarity and ability to be adaptable with the unknown.

Are you aware of how your thoughts, actions and feelings are intertwined?

Once a client has progressed through the “Spiders Web” of intertwined thoughts, actions and feelings, we then move onto working in the outside world (take a look at this personal account in Jenny’s Journey Part 9.

Where appropriate when I work with clients outside, it is not uncommon for other forgotten thoughts, actions and feelings to arise, and it’s not uncommon to work with emotional release. Identifying and the release of limiting beliefs and much more; including empowerment from within, the countryside is a great environment in which to work with clients.

Why understanding the medical history of a client is so important.

When working with clients who have a history with medical intervention, whether pharmaceutical or herbal, we learn how the mind, body and spirit have become dependent on this type of supplementary support.

For some, the epicenter of their mind becomes reliant on the supplements/medication. We have to create a plan and exercise the mind, body and spirit to be empowered to have an exit plan away from the supplements/medication. 

Whilst a client undergoes the exit strategy away from medication and herbal pick-me-ups, we work closely with the client’s GP. Train the mind, body and spirit on how to reignite its true capabilities and natural ability to generate and circulate examples such as dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, endorphins and much more. All of which influence an individuals’ ability to develop a healthy mind, body and spirit. 

We also must consider the impacts of a client’s diet. This may mean referring a client to a nutritional specialist if appropriate.

Are you committed to the long haul?

For me, if a client is willing to commit to the long haul, then whether it’s 1, 2, 5, 10 sessions or more, or even intensive half or full day sessions, completing the appropriate homework/practices is essential (and much more with me), one thing is for sure, successful outcomes will materialise.

It is just whether you are willing to commit.

Wishing everyone safety and wellness through the 2nd lockdown phase.

Warmest wishes

Walking With My Bear

(If you want to know more, why not reach out to us and we'll get back in touch).

Has anxiety, panic or addiction taken over your life? - that Bear has a lot to answer for

Have you ever wondered why your body starts to react to situations before you have had time to think? Your pulse starts to quicken, and your breathing changes?

If I told you this is your Bear, likely you've got no clue what I'm talking about.

Today you are going to learn who your Bear is and why he is controlling how you respond and behave. Taming your Bear will unlock your confidence and optimism, helping you be rid of any coping method you currently have.

All will become clear:

Fight or Flight

Over the years, having compiled and written my book "How To Build On Tectonic Plates", I explain in detail how the mind has two levels; the fight or flight responses.

You know, the element within your mind that determines, before you have had any time to think, what your next thoughts, actions or feelings are, regarding any given experience.

Let me explain.

We are told we have 5 key senses: sight, hearing, touch, taste and smell.

But is there a 6th?

All these experiences enter our mind through the fight or flight response. Our brain then determines, very quickly, how best to either store the information into various elements or get rid of the experience.

That said, sometimes our mind takes on experiences unknowingly and, in many cases, in a way that doesn't serve us well in the future.

Your programming

The information is stored into various elements (let's call it a filing cabinet). Your mind then stores each influential piece, of any experience, into many deep-rooted areas of your mind, such as your habits, perspectives, attitudes, thoughts, actions and feelings, and much more.

This information forms part of the programming of your mind, which then influences the 2nd stage of your fight or flight response. This response tells you what to do before you have consciously thought about it.

So, where does the Bear come into it, you may ask?

Imagine your fight or flight being the on/off switch for the ingrained programming of your mind. Your deep-rooted unconscious mind (which is your Bear) controls all your decisions, thoughts, actions and feelings.

If left untrained, tamed or controlled, the Bear can get up to mischief and mentally harm you. Which can be quite devastating for you, in many ways, whether it be in life or business.

This brings attention to the 6th Sense – Our deep-rooted thoughts which become our "Bear".

Just like a giant grizzly bear, if you come face to face with a bear, and you can't control the bear, it can eat you alive, or at least cause you major harm.

The mind is exactly the same. Suppose you are not in control of the programming of your mind. In that case, your mind will have the potential to have a completely different agenda than you consciously think.

Taming your Bear

Learning to tame your Bear, to understand how it is programmed, how it thinks, interprets and acts upon information, at various levels, is crucial to enjoying life. I mean genuinely enjoying life without the need for coping strategies or mechanisms to handle life's experiences and challenges

Taking back control of your mind can be an amazing experience if you are empowered with the understanding and clarity on how to tame your Bear. This knowledge can change your present and future.

We all have a choice in life, the question to you is what choices do you wish to control about your present moment and future self?

Stress, anxiety, depression, limiting beliefs, non-epileptic seizures,

and much more are all a state of mind. If shown how to overcome, you can eradicate future mindset challenges. The question you have to ask yourself is whether you really want to make that change?

If you would like to know more about how we work with your Bear, why not get in touch.

We have a clear promise at Walking With My Bear; We will help empower you to take back control, you just need to be committed and open to support and guidance.

How to handle tough situations, sober

Today is my sober-anniversary! Unreal. Writing this today is a "sobering" (no pun intended. I did actually mean to do that!!) reflection of what I have been through. It's a reminder that I do not want to go back there.

Practising gratitude

When you feel so good, it's easy to become complacent, but that can be dangerous in recovery. I appreciate everything and everyone who has helped me and supported me to get to where I am today.

I really am amazed I survived. I say thank you every day.

Exactly this time last year I was in detox, the first day without a drink, with a massive head injury due to a seizure. I hadn't a clue what was going on, and I hadn't even started full withdrawal. It was so scary.

This is also a reminder that recovery takes time. I've been sober a year, and 5 days ago I was really in need of a drink. Thankfully, I'm still taking Antabuse, which I chose to go on.

Recovery is tough but totally possible and worth it.

I would like to think I'm strong enough now to have not picked up a drink if I wasn't taking them, but I don't really want to think about what could have happened. That is even after a year, which proves recovery is long and challenging, but totally possible and worth it, stick with it

So, what put me in the position of needing a drink, I hear you ask!?
The lovely game known as online dating. I never realised there were so many liars out there. Long story short, everything was going really well with a guy, and we had started "seeing" each other, so almost official. It was a bonus he was also nice to look at.

Then his ex rocked up one day and was not very happy, shall we say. He had warned me she didn't like seeing him happy and because she had Bi-Polar, her moods were quite unpredictable (please don't think I'm saying anything negative towards her and her issues, I don't judge anyone).

Here I was faced with a rather heated discussion. However, I used to be a custody officer, so my interpersonal skills came in handy to diffuse the situation. I've experienced a lot worse!

He apologised profusely, but then I heard nothing from him. I'm quite proud of myself for not taking it personally, but I was genuinely sad about it. Quite gutted in fact as it was going so well.

That would have been a perfect excuse to drink to numb those feelings. Even when my drinking was normal, that's how I would have dealt with it, as would the majority of people. So, with no instant relief/escape from the feelings and emotions, I had to "ride it out". I kept telling myself they are just emotions, and they will pass.

I acknowledged and processed the emotions, and sent them on their merry little way. I even asked my friend "what do 'normal' people do when they experience this feeling"… her answer "we drink"!! (how we chuckled).

Coping with situations without my alcohol crutch

So, what am I really supposed to do! I was hoping that I would wake up feeling different the next day. This didn't really make me feel any better at the time. Still, this is a life experience, and it's utterly alien to me, coping with situations without my alcohol crutch.

I tried to distract myself, which I know isn't ideal as I know it won't go away until I faced up to it and dealt with it, but I knew I'd be talking with Walking With My Bear in 3 days. Jonathan would make everything better. He always said if I need to speak; just call.

I decided to call Jonathan, and he did make me feel better. I was reminded that I am bravely exposing myself to new experiences that have the potential to weaken my inner strength. And that unconsciously the lead up to my "sober-anniversary" would be playing on my mind too.

Distraction techniques and unhelpful coping strategies - what's the alternative?

Distraction techniques may seem to work on impulse, but you need to be aware you will have to face the situation and accept it at some point.

Otherwise, you may refer back to your old unhelpful coping strategies, i.e. potential relapse as the situation will still be there.

It's about learning to close those doors to your old ways of thoughts, actions and feelings. Walking With My Bear opened my eyes and mind to make me realise I defeated a relapse. I am therefore fully capable of defeating potential relapses.

I suppose this was quite an achievement, and I should be proud of myself. I, therefore, need to work at reflecting on the progress I have made as it is so easy to let your achievements go unrecognised and take them for granted. The lack of self-praise can be quite dangerous in recovery. So please keep that in mind.

After speaking with Jonathan after the incident and reflecting back on the session, I realised there were still some issues from my past that were subconsciously bothering me. Therefore, holding me back from letting go of my unhealthy coping strategies, that don't serve me anymore.

We used the Spider Web theory, and this time I understood it a lot more. I was amazed at how even a small situation in your life can open or be linked to so many other experiences or programmed behavioural patterns later down the line.

However, the main things I opened up about were sadly not small issues, and I never speak about them. The two "doorways" that opened up were linked to past relationships and had maybe been affecting more recent ones. I decided I need to do some homework and investigate if there are any other previous issues I finally need to address.

I advise that before dealing with bigger issues tackle the smaller ones first. It will enable you to face the heavier challenges more effectively, as you will have gained confidence and strength regarding challenging your past.

There is hope out there. Reach out, it's not something you'll regret.

Jen x

Inner Child Therapy, an inside look

For many adults, their childhood experiences can influence their actions, feelings and behaviours in later life, for some, with challenging habitual ways of being.

After Thomas worked with Walking With My Bear, he wanted to share his experience to provide hope to others out there.

Below is Thomas' story about working with his inner self.

Meeting the little me's

I have known Jonathan for a few years, we met via a networking event. I had just got my life back on track after many years in addiction. Since then, I have retrained to be a therapist, and Jonathan and I first worked on my life strategy planning.

It was enlightening to sit down and think about my future and what it would look like. Then working backwards to what I need to be earning and how to structure my finances to achieve that vision. 

Yes; the number got big, but at the same time, I could see how I was to achieve them. 

That was the first part of the journey, and still today the things I learnt from Jonathan I always practice. His voice pops into my head when I am working on the business side of things, to guide me.

Limiting beliefs were holding me back

The next part of the journey was to do some work on me. By the time I had met Jonathan, I was well into my recovery. However, there were so many limiting beliefs, I was holding myself back.

I felt comfortable with Jonathan, and he understood where I had come from, and more importantly, where I wanted to go. Through working on the financial strategy aspect, we discussed many different things, which later Jonathan brought into the therapy room.

Over 4 or 5 sessions, I was introduced to some little me's, the younger versions of me that in different ways needed some nurturing or just to be heard. Through the sessions, I met 3 younger versions of me. 

Inner Child Therapy

In therapy, we call this Inner Child Work. I had facilitated this with many clients of my own, however, to be the client was a truly amazing experience. 

Jonathan guided me through the process and allowed me to reconnect with myself. I was given the opportunity to bring those little me's into the now, by placing them in the palm of my hand and then bringing them up to my chest. At individual times they climbed into my heart, where they have stayed, and I can connect with them whenever I want or need to.

I distinctly remember that one of the younger me's wanted to learn how to play the piano, after the session, I contacted a local piano teacher, and booked in for my first lesson. I felt like a little kid, and it was wonderful.

Visualisation - the shallow bowl technique

There was another session where I sat with a large shallow bowl out in front of me and was able to visualise different things in the surface of the bowl. Or as 3d objects above it.

This is what my mind created, Jonathan provided the space and time for me to work on the things that needed some work, in my own way.

I was diagnosed with HIV back in 2006. As much as I had consciously come to terms with it, subconsciously I was still clearly holding on to it. One of the 3d objects I visualised was the virus. 

To sit and look at the virus and truly come to terms with it, was awe-inspiring. I can remember seeing my hands smoothing the edges of the virus. It is tough to explain and describe, but it really felt like it had taken the hardness off my feelings and perception.

I can't thank Jonathan enough for the ways he has helped me. Not only with the strategy side of my life, but also helping me to meet the younger me's, and letting them support and guide me through life.

Thomas

I hope you can see from Thomas' journey, by reconnecting with his inner self, this has brought a state of calmness back into his life.

For Thomas, the 3 younger versions of himself were all different aspects of his Bear. Once he had found reconnection within himself, his Bear became his friend.

Warm wishes

Walking With My Bear

If you wish to discuss whether inner child work and mindset therapy could help you too

A client's expectation and ownership of mindset outcomes often result that the mindset specialist is responsible for understanding and guiding the client to the desired outcome. Ultimate responsibility being put on the mindset specialist.

Yes, this is partly correct but is it also about the client understanding how their neural pathways to thoughts, feelings and actions are activated through past experiences.

In the book How To Build On Tectonic Plates, I refer to the process of how the 6 senses of see, feel, hear, taste, smell and thoughts impact our mindset. Call it the 'artificial intelligence (AI) of our mind'.

The challenge a client has when wanting to understand how to bring about change is to know how each past experience can be intertwined into every thought, feeling and action in their life.

To my horror, it is not uncommon for mindset techniques to be applied to just one specific element without actually dealing with the whole.

It is important to identify and address all the underlying causes that trigger your thoughts, feelings and actions

Many years ago, I worked with a young lady who was suffering from anxiety which caused ulcers in her mouth. We worked on what we identified as the key cause of this stress, and when the unpleasant experiences first occurred.

What I wasn't aware of was that my client was wearing a certain type of item on her body, which many years later she was still using, albeit refreshed versions. It was something I could not, nor anyone else physically see.

I never thought of asking or exploring the physical elements attached to the thoughts, feelings and actions of my client as I was focused on the memories.

Yes, we had a short-term result, but after a while, the symptoms came back, and the client lost faith in my work.

This naturally challenged me as I began to pull apart my techniques and approaches. Questioning how I could have missed this item, indeed, I should have known to ask or at least consider the possibility of a physical object associated with an experience.

In fairness, I was being hard on myself. There is more to the background of this client's story, but for confidentiality reasons, I cannot say anymore. That said, it made me realise and adapt one of my techniques to help uncover all aspects of a past experience, both mentally and physically.

What difference can a change to your mindset have on your life?

I recently supported a different client applying what I call the 'Spiders Web' technique. It would be honest and fair of me to say my client had a profound result. A result that empowered my client to take her mindset to another level.

She sent me a note which I wanted to share in this article. Not to brag, but to give you hope if you have tried techniques to resolve and bring change to your mindset, or you are looking to make a change. Maybe where you have had a short-term result, but over time your old ways of thoughts, actions and feelings have crept back and taken over your Bear!

The email is as my client wrote it: –

"Thank you so much for my session last week. Using the spider wheel technique was a great way to prepare the ground for our hypnotherapy session. It allowed me to see clearly how seemingly unrelated incidents in my life were blocking me from moving forwards in my work and private life. Using the metaphor of red and green doors was incredibly powerful for resolving the emotional issues experienced in my earlier life. By closing the red doors as the emotional resolved, naturally the green doors to progress opened. I could feel my heart opening to a new reality with each step I took through the web of my life, reconnecting me back to my essence. I had set a powerful intention that I wanted to fully resolve the issues that were blocking me from moving forwards before the session. After the session, I felt energised and uplifted in a way I haven't experienced in some time. I felt free. I completely forgot about the work issues over the weekend. Since coming back to work today, the situation that had been blocked has completely opened up, effortlessly and resolved. Heartfelt gratitude to you, Jonathan, for the guidance that enabled me to achieve my dreams.

Many many thanks
Alison "

Alison, Clinic Owner

To receive such a lovely note is so rewarding, knowing I have supported a client to become empowered, and never take it for granted when working with clients that ……

Final thoughts

I want to share the message that you can truly understand how your Bear is connected to the aspects of your past.

If you are willing to spend time understanding the background to the doors that open up the spider's web of your "AI". Then your Bear can understand how to open and close doors to old and new ways of thinking, feeling and acting, as you enjoy your life.

This is the foundation for working on your mindset.

Are you ready to explore your thoughts, feelings and actions and seek to change them so you can fully embrace a new life? Reach out and let's start the journey together – Me, You and your Bear.

Warmest wishes

Walking With My Bear

How I learned to respect myself.

I can remember the exact moment when I thought “wow, my body is actually quite amazing”. 

I was on a 6-mile run in the hills, and it was the longest one I’d managed to that date. I had, for the first time in my life, respect for my body and what it was capable of doing. 

 Writing this now is actually reminding me again of my “wow moment”. I’m not sure if it’s because I really did hit rock bottom last year. I was unable to do anything for myself, I was so physically weak, my body was really on its way out, and now I was running!! I’m not going to say I “bounced back”, far from it.

Another chance. 

In the early stages, I had to have a rest from sitting up watching TV. It was a slow process, and I never thought I’d walk again, let alone run. 

I remember celebrating with the nurses when I was able to walk to the toilet unaided. Thinking back, this actually scares me, how little I could do. 

Had I been given another chance? 

I used to exercise because I had to, it was an addiction, but now I was enjoying it. Now I had this newfound respect for myself, I began listening to what my body needed (i.e. rest, more food), as I’d ignored that for decades.

These thoughts influenced me to fuel my body, which is a completely opposite mindset to when you’re in the grips of anorexia. I’ve just realised now that I abused my body, took it for granted. 

We only get one, if you look after it, it will look after you. Sorry body. Sadly it is a vicious cycle; 

• feel rubbish
• don’t care about yourself
• no respect
• merely surviving
• cover-up and hide
• recluse 

Which creates low self-worth, low self-esteem, low confidence and you wake up and do it all over again. 

Negative thoughts and coping methods.

I paid too much attention to my negative thoughts. The more I “fed them”, the more it became like a snowball effect, and a small thought turned into a massive issue.

I did a lot of work with Walking With My Bear around my confidence and self-esteem (as I’ve mentioned before) as it’s never really been there, I suppose. What confidence I had was quite literally knocked out of me in past relationships. 

I came across as confident, but that was the drink. Sober, I was a train wreck, so drinking was my go-to coping method. 

When you are that low, you don’t care, and my body seemed to be the last thing I was bothered about. You cannot start respecting your body until you start looking after it.

So how do we make a start towards gaining body respect? 

I find having a “tool” at hand helps me to deal with potential situations that may trigger your old, unhelpful ways of coping.

It’s a slow process as is everything in recovery, sadly. But I promise you it’s worth it. Start small and think of it as an investment in yourself. 

Do little, nice things for yourself (even if it’s brushing your teeth better or moisturising – I even found this hard at first) you won’t feel the benefit straight away. Still, the more you do, the better you feel. 

Go for a short walk or sit outside, slowly build yourself up. Don’t run before you can walk, I wanted to be able to do things yesterday, but it doesn’t happen like that, accept that, or else it sets you up to fail. Then you end up beating yourself up because you’ve not achieved what you expected. 

If you are unfortunately at rock bottom, it took you a long time to get there and a lot of practice. It makes sense then that this process will take time, too, both mentally and physically. 

Your mindset won’t change overnight. 

But when you start getting there, you achieve peace with yourself.

Once I started eating better and listening to hunger cues, I had more energy. I was getting stronger, getting mentally happier and therefore had more interest in everyday life. 

Your food intake is massively important for physical and mental reasons.

Slowly I started enjoying things and slowly pushed myself to do more. It felt good to be living. Fueling your body with healthy food is so important for physical recovery and fueling for your brain and mood recovery. 

80% of your serotonin levels (the happy hormone) comes from your stomach. Nutrition for your mental health is very underrated. 

Your body’s been through hell and then some, that’s why it takes time. “Working” on yourself and self-care is not selfish, you are investing time into living a happy and fulfilling life.

Are you able to monitor the times you feel negative about yourself? 

I was reading over the notes I took during some of my sessions, and the following may be of some use. 

I once sat for 60 seconds and wrote down any thoughts that popped into my head. They were all negative and critical about me. 

How much time did I waste being critical of me? 

I must continuously be beating myself up. Next to each thought, I had written down, I applied the method of asking if the thought was true and was it appropriate? 

You invest so much time into saying these things to yourself, that you genuinely believe them. However, when it’s written down, you can see them for what they really are – false, inappropriate statements with no evidence to back them up. 

These negative thoughts do us so much harm when they are irrelevant and not worthy of rising to or acting on. 

Focus on what you value, the important things in your life.

Focus your energy on positive things in your life and appreciate what you have, not what you haven’t. 

It’s all about the here and now not what’s happened (because you cannot change the past) and you can’t predict the future, but you can influence it, so take action. 

Focus on the day and don’t compare yourself to what you used to be able to do. 

I did this a lot, and once I accepted that the progress was going to be slow, I became happy and content with the small steps I was achieving. 

Something is better than nothing.

Thanks for reading. I’ll be back soon. 

Jenny x