Can We Really Control the Controllables?

Can we really control the controllables without first exploring the programming of our mind?

A question we ask people before exploring the things an individual can control and then influence.

Some say focus on the things you can influence, and the things you can’t influence, well, let them take effect your told whilst you focus on the things you can influence! But is there something missing in this process?

Please allow us to explain some key points of consideration.

In many aspects of the personal development and coaching world, people/clients are encouraged to focus on the things they can control. Which to an extent is correct.

However, we raise a simple question. What if your programming of your mind, including your “Bear” has a different idea of what you can control and what you can’t influence?

It’s a common essential key factor that is often missed.

We explored in a previous article/blog about how your “Bear” has a “Locus of Control” which I’ll come onto shortly. But first, we need to understand your perception of what you can and can’t control or influence

The first part of the exercise is very simple.

Get a A4 piece of paper

1/ Get a A4 piece of paper  and draw a circle. Inside write “Things I can absolutely control”. Ensure the circle is large enough so you can write stuff in.

Now write inside the circle, key things you feel you can influence.

Example: – I can set my alarm to notify me at a specific time. I can drink water by filling my glass from the tap. I can ask for help. I can breath, etc etc. Naturally make it specific to the key areas you want to address. It’s good to put some easy things in that you can influence to help you along with the exercise at the beginning.

2/ Draw another circle around the first circle which allows you to write “What I can Influence”.  Allow a large enough gap so that you can write the things you can influence.

Now write in the area between the two circles, things you feel you can influence, yet don’t feel you have full control of the outcome.

Example: – I can try my best at work but my performance may not be up to my manager’s expectation.

I can be polite to someone, but they may not be as polite back to me.

I can smile at someone passing but they may not smile back.

I can try to be positive by focusing on happy outcomes.

I don’t have anyone to speak about my thoughts actions and feelings, but I can if I wish, reach out for help.

I hope you get the principle of what I am showing as an example.

3/ Write on the outside of the large circle “Things I feel I cannot influence”  This is the area that allows you to write down all the things you feel you cannot influence.

Write all the things you feel you cannot influence.

Example: – I cannot influence the weather, therefore I can take a coat if it’s raining to best deal with the situation.

I feel anxious and can’t stop how I feel.

I feel stressed and don’t know how to stop feeling stressed.

I don’t know how to ask for help.

Naturally make it specific to the key areas you want to address, but it’s good to put some easy things in that you can influence to help you along with the exercise.

Look at the exercise in the article “Is Your Bear Controlling Your Ability to Take Ownership”. Have a look at your locus of control. The scale is on a 1-10 basis. 

If you have an internal locus of control you will be on the lower number (1-3). If you are on the higher number of the scale (7-10), you may find your “Bear” is guiding you to believe there are lots of things you cannot control or influence. If you’re somewhere in the middle (4-6) you’re pretty balanced on taking ownership of outcomes in your life and business.

It’s important to understand, there is no right or wrong with where you are on the scale, but to understand where you are on the scale allows you to work with the programming of your mind more effectively.

Without understanding the above, you may just be applying a sticky plaster approach to your thoughts actions and feelings  towards what you can and can’t control/influence.

Once you understand the above, then examine your original points written down, and then consider reaching out if you need support.

Warmest wishes

Walking With My Bear

“The art of understanding how you can control the controllables, is first understand your minds’ perception of what you can and can’t control or influence. Without this first step, you’ll simply run the risk of misleading yourself!”

Walking With My Bear