Challenging times

My background

I have been working with Jonathan with very intense therapy for a while now. If you haven’t read my previous blogs I will briefly outline my previous struggles. 

Alcohol dependency and eating disorders. I had an eating disorder for over 2 decades and became alcohol dependent for about 3 years up until 2 years ago. 

Both of these addictions almost took my life. Sadly I had got to the point where I wasn’t bothered if it did.

At the time, my addiction chose alcohol and lack of eating over my own son, family and friends. 

That’s addiction, it doesn’t discriminate. Situations in the past get interpreted by each individual differently and people react differently. By this, I mean that while one person wouldn’t be bothered about an event in the past, another could be quite affected by it or affected by words. 

So there has been a lot of therapy around my past to overcome this. Other services had briefly brushed over and not challenged my mindset which is why it has been going on so long until Jonathan stepped in.

I’ll be honest, with all the intensive treatment I was receiving there were moments where I thought, “is this working? What’s the point? Am I ever going to be ‘fixed’? How long does this take”? 

Reflecting and taking the decision for change

The challenge with instant gratification and being in the height of addiction is what I feel is craved as an instant fix. That “fix” is only short term and I had to accept recovering would take time. 

I had “practiced” my heavy drinking for long enough, it was time to accept what’s happened, take ownership and practice the tools I had learnt to get better. I didn’t get it right straight away, I messed up but I learnt from it and sometimes had to try a different approach. 

There’s a good old cliché “practice makes perfect”, I even say it to my 7 year old son, and getting your life under your control and actually having a life is totally worth it. Life can be scary, unpredictable, chaotic, highs and lows but with the right mindset and use of effective mindset tools YOU CAN get through anything. 

I have, and since being sober/eating well, recently had the most challenging experience to date. In fact, it’s still not over and for the first time in my life I'm using effective skills instead of turning to drink or restricted eating. 

Why it’s so important to Secure Your Tectonic Plates of Your Mind (as Jonathan would put it!)

Here’s the recent situation….

Saturday 16^th October. Wedding dress shopping with my bridesmaids and my mum. Had a great day out, meal etc, oh…found the dress. However in the back of my mind I couldn’t help worrying about my son, Bob (still not actually called Bob), he’d been off school for 2 days being sick and laid up on the sofa. 

Normally this kid never stops, we do loads of active things together. On my return from the exciting day out, a rash had appeared on Bob. Without giving it 2 thoughts (of my past reservations about going to hospital and being stuck there) I rang an ambulance and packed a bag at the same time. I knew something wasn’t right.  

Let’s just say in the height of my addiction and eating disorder, my own hospital experience was not a very good one and I probably wasn’t the ideal patient, which led me to getting sectioned. 

Why I Know My Tectonic Plates have been Secured!

Bearing in mind 2 years ago, my addiction would have chosen alcohol over my son!

On this occasion my whole world stopped, nothing mattered other than getting Bob sorted. My usual routine of exercise and set meal times which helps me stay sober and eating well, went out the window but I knew I would be OK. 

I fought to get him sorted. I experienced feelings (which I would have previously tried to numb in very unhelpful ways), emotions, anxiety, sadness, guilt, hopelessness, nervous energy and very lonely and there was nowhere to go to “switch off”. 

We were in and out of hospital for over a month then we contracted Covid, which was a kick in the teeth. I can honestly now tell you what got me through this. 

Jonathan and myself have done so much work together. One aspect was to strengthen my mind using certain techniques attaching emotional drivers to what I wanted to achieve. My emotional drivers were trained to kick the ass out of alcohol and food issues, and all of a sudden I was now in hospital with a rare auto-immune disease impacting on my son. My emotional driver used was Bob. 

Another technique used was to train my mind to take the batton as if I was in a relay race against my past self.

Jonathan would get me to imagine I was on an athletic race track. I would imagine Jonathan racing against my old dark self to start with. Jonathan would do a lap and I would take the Baton and begin racing. At first my old self would catch me up. 

Over time after practice and attachment of emotional drivers, I became so mentally strong, I did not need Jonathan on the race track with me. I would just look at the old self on the other race track lane and make it clear it no longer threatened my life, nor could it beat me. I would and still smash it into the ground if my metaphorical old self even thought it could take me on!

The anger and emotions I felt towards my issues getting between me and Bob became so strong (after practice) I am now over 2 years sober. This vision and attached feelings empowered my mind and enabled me to stay strong, focused be there for Bob, and get through it with whatever cards are dealt!

Reflecting

I realise the situation with Bob could have gone one of two ways, but I have practiced to achieve a strong mindset and I got through it. There would have been a time previously when that situation would have brought back a lots of feelings around being in hospital but I took control of the situation, didn’t panic. Even when the word “meningitis” got thrown around. I stayed strong for him. 

I’ve found it’s the build up to something that creates the anxiety, the not knowing, the things I tell myself in my head, it’s all made up nonsense.

Even though it is still ongoing it is rewarding to be writing this, and I can look back at my previous unhelpful behavior and know, that’s not me anymore. Writing this has also reminded me how useful the tools are, not only to get you through addiction (for example) but to have the ability to be strong for unexpected life situations. 

Looking back, I would have found the above information quite vital the people helping you don’t have grey hairs for nothing. If I could sum up this article in one word it would be- Believe.

If you want to learn more about overcoming Anxiety, Alcoholism and eating disorders, please get in touch.

My Reason for Fundraising

Focus4Hope provide much needed support to their community. Supporting homeless, victims of social abuse, vulnerable people and the elderly. They have become a vital life line to many individuals and families and need a support worker to help meet the growing demand.

Insight to creating the music, lyrics and video

The piece of music I wrote and recorded was back in 2012/2013 if I recall. It was a tune I felt expressed my frustrations with society and everything that was going on and building up to which we now witness in present day life. How fitting that I find myself using it to bring awareness to hopefully bring change, fingers crossed. 

I also used children in this as it portrays the “inner child” of an individual and how for some, they can lose sight of their passion for life they once had as a child...

Why I chose not to speak

Over the years of working with private clients around their mindset, for many people they feel their voice won't be understood. For this reason they tend to hold back from reaching out for help. Lose sight of the goals, dreams and aspirations whilst settling for second best.

This in turn can have impacts on an individual's mental wellbeing, and for some can lead to shutting down from many aspects in life. Some of which include leaving home, quitting work, depression and much more

Please can I ask, if you are able, visit www.walkingwithmybear.com/fundraising and click on the donate button to support my cause.

If you would like to be kept up to date of our work supporting Focus4Hope and other great causes, please click on the subscribe button and register. We'll keep you updated over time

Today is Friday 20th November, the date is relevant because during a session with Jonathan I was asked, by the chief himself to write a 5-year plan.

While digging around for an appropriate note-book (since eliminating alcohol from my life i've developed a slight stationary obsession, so the notebook needed to be appropriate- sparkly and inviting).

Understanding your perception of the world

I found an old diary from exactly a year ago. I was working with Jonathan at the time and each day I was to make an entry and start with drawing a pair of glasses; the glasses were to resemble how I was viewing my mood at the time. For example;

Clear glasses = feeling good/positive/strong, 

Frosted glasses = feeling a bit flat/anxious/a bit vulnerable

Tinted glasses = a bad day/very anxious/restless/urge to escape my head/low mood/volatile.

This was a good exercise to do in order to stop me focusing on all the negatives, accept situations and do something about it, put a positive flip on it and learn from it. 

Learning my daily perception of life each day

At first I thought it was a bit silly but it started to help me and I could see what I was doing, when I had a good day and made me realise that I was actually having some good days. I suppose I started to appreciate my good days and there's light at the end of this dark, lonely tunnel. It also helped me to reflect on the day and encourage a more logic way of thinking.

So, on Thursday 21st November 2019 I was in early stages of recovery, very vulnerable and I'd only been out of detox about 4 weeks. 

Here’s the diary entry for this day.

"Woke up 9am, no rush to get ready. Pottered and made buns for a charity event (no idea what this occasion was) *insert clear glasses*. 10am *insert total shaded glasses* Barry (my sons Dad, it's not his actual name) text to say Bob (my son but also not his actual name) is staying at his Christmas Eve in a really blunt, dictating way, after I has asked if he could stay with me. 

I started panicking, couldn't breath, cried and rang my Mum. She said they would sort it, I managed to avoid a panic attack. I'm scared, because if he doesn't stay, I don't know how I'd deal with it. I remember how I felt at the time, the urge was to drink to lose myself from my feelings, and I was genuinely worried about my safety, I was capable of anything. 

I feel it's my turn to have him as I in hospital over last Christmas but "Barry" said it wasn't, I don't think that’s fair. I rang Morag (she was my amazing community mental health nurse) and she said to enjoy the time I have with him, which is true...make new memories. 

I have since reflected on this and I can now see his reason behind why that's this years arrangement (see...diary writing has a way of making you realise your original impulsive thinking isn't logical). I have no idea how Bob was while I was confined to hospital for all those months, Barry has been there for him over the past year, done the hard work while i've been AWOL. I feel I am trying so hard to rebuild everything, be the good mum Bob deserves. I suppose it is good that I want that, I can't change the past, I didn't chose that path. I have to live with the devastation I caused. But the past is where it stays. 5pm, saw Bob and he had his tea, he was very good." *clear glasses.

Does it help writing things down?

In all honesty I had forgotten how powerful and eye-opening writing thoughts and feelings down is, it takes the metaphorical blinkers off your thinking. I can see exactly where my defensive "woe is me" attitude instantly kicked in through reading that past entry (if he was there in person, I would have totally lost it) and as I had a bit of time to calm down, I took a more logical view on the situation. 

This dairy entry also demonstrates that reaching out to people when you are in a crisis is vital, helpful and there's nothing to be ashamed of. People want to help. They would much rather you reach out than the potential alternative (e.g. relapse). It's also so important to look back and acknowledge progress. 

Back then I took every day as it came, planning ahead was out of the question. Here I am devising a 5-year plan (we do recover!!).

Why I devised a 5-year plan

So back to the reason why I was asked to devise a 5-year plan. In the session with Big Jonny our opening conversation went a bit like this (to set the scene, Jonathan was in his usual attire-suit, cuff links, groomed salt and pepper hair etc. I on the other hand was donning my dressing gown, not even looked in the mirror that morning nor had I run a brush through my hair.

"How are you today, Jen"?

"Jonathan....I'm bored, fed up of this lockdown and fed up of not being able to see anyone. I like people nowadays".

After discussing the weeks’ events (which will be a separate blog I'm currently working on), Jonathan asked me to write a 5-year plan. I agreed, not really thinking it was a big deal. However, he brought it to my attention that it will be very significant, my mind was ready to plan and I was ready for more challenges hence the bored feeling. Previously I took every day as it came, made no future plans (this is a good thing and vital for early recovery) as pre-recovery my life was chaotic, I was volatile and in and out of hospital. 

Trying to plan ahead when my mindset wasn't focused

I tried booking things when my drinking and eating was steady, however subconsciously it must have been too much for me because as the events got nearer, I'd end up drinking into an oblivion. Or, if I did manage to attend (this only happened once), I ended going home early as I drank too much.

There were a number of occasions where I would book events, spas for me and my friends, theatre break for me and my mum, even arranged a trip to Ibiza as I was maid of honour. All of which I would pull out of, or, have to go home early due to my excessive drinking. It wasn’t a pleasant time.

I want to share this with you, so you can get to understand how a person can reach such low points, yet whilst they are in the mist of mayhem, they don’t really understand the havoc and upset they are causing. It’s not intentional, it’s just your mindset at that time.

So, at first when you are on the road to recovery, taking each day, one step at a time it’s vital to ensure you don’t overload yourself.

Sometimes, the help and answers we're searching for, are right in front of our nose!

I didn't know where to start with a 5-year plan, so I did a bit of research online and there is a lot more to it than writing a little list of things you want to happen. I really advise that you consider devising one if you feel able to. 

I then remember I had Jonathan’s book “How To Build On Tectonic Plates”. Part of which helps you break down your plan, both mentally and financially, so you can program your mind on a deep routed level and evoke your emotional drive!

I realised that planning a 5-year period of aims goals and aspirations, not only allowed me to make improvements to my life, but also improve/maintain existing goals and appreciate the good things I already have.

As I researched, I was planning my personal plan I realised that written down in front of me was what was important to me, minus distractions. As I started writing, other values popped up which I may have overlooked or taken for granted if it was just a plan in my head. I could also return to my ideas if other ideas came up and recap to eliminate some things that were not as important as first thought.

Identifying why I found it useful to create a plan

I'm going to bullet point my other findings as I'm running out of different words to use for "ideas". 

Reasons why I found it useful to devise a plan, and encourage others who are confidently able to make future plans, to do so too ......

I am now in a strong position to make future plans, so it is exciting and maybe making a plan would ensure I kept "my eyes on the prize", focused and that I wasn't venturing into the unknown.

I realised it was more than a "to do list", as I first thought. 5 years is a nice time to make realistic changes and also enough time for the time scale of goals to be flexible (i.e lengthening/shortening).

I thought I'd learnt quite a lot about myself recently, but I found out more of who I wanted to be, what I wanted to do career wise, what I wanted in my future and realised my visions, ambitions and values.

I could think of a more logical way of reaching my goals by assessing my strengths, making use of them and being honest about what I needed to work on (this worked for my personal and career goals).

It broke everything down into simpler steps so it wouldn't seem like a mountain, which would have put me right off. It now looked more manageable and achievable.

I can now look back and see if I'm on track, both with the steps and reaching my goals. Also making adjustments along the way as we all know life isn't plain sailing.

If I'm not making progress it would be easier to work out why.

You can use templates for a 5 year plan, but I actually enjoyed creating my own (my stationary addiction came in handy, my 5 year plan is very colourful and nice to look at). On a more serious level it is unique to me, my personal circumstances and my individual values. Everyone's will be different.

The importance of visualising your plan.

I visualised my realistic, ideal future (where, what and why to maintain). It was like an epiphany (well-what I’d like to think was an epiphany), an epiphany of what truly makes me happy, NOT what I think is expected of me (if I went by other people’s expectations, I messed that up decades ago).

After doing this whole exercise I was content and confident with the path my life will hopefully go. I had tangible goals that I feel I could achieve in a real way along with the steps to get there and keep me on track. Its more specific, broken down and gives me confidence that I can actually achieve it.

My reason for writing this blog

The reasoning behind this blog and sharing all this is because if you are in a similar stage of recovery, or even know someone who is reaching out for help (maybe further on or it's still early days), I totally understand. Sharing what's helped me (e.g.-daily journal writing) may give you hope, ideas, or just reassurance with what you may be going through, re recovery, is normal, it's not easy but it's worth it. 

I also wanted to put across that it's important to take each day as it comes but living like that is  not forever, I had to get my mind and physical health strong enough to take on bigger challenges. At first I even found taking each day as it came extremely hard, but now that's not enough, my mind is ready for long term goals. 

It's taken me over a year to achieve what I thought was impossible. Hard graft but totally worth it. I'm so thankful to Jonathan and for what feels like a replanning of my mind. The old guy knows what he's talking about!!!

Can you achieve from the place of impossible?

I've probably said this before but I'm living proof that we do recover but it takes time (there's a reason it takes time), it's totally worth it and you CAN turn what seems like the impossible into possible. The phrase I used to think was a load of bull, but I know otherwise!

Warmest wishes

Jenny's Journey

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Has anxiety, panic or addiction taken over your life? - that Bear has a lot to answer for

Have you ever wondered why your body starts to react to situations before you have had time to think? Your pulse starts to quicken, and your breathing changes?

If I told you this is your Bear, likely you've got no clue what I'm talking about.

Today you are going to learn who your Bear is and why he is controlling how you respond and behave. Taming your Bear will unlock your confidence and optimism, helping you be rid of any coping method you currently have.

All will become clear:

Fight or Flight

Over the years, having compiled and written my book "How To Build On Tectonic Plates", I explain in detail how the mind has two levels; the fight or flight responses.

You know, the element within your mind that determines, before you have had any time to think, what your next thoughts, actions or feelings are, regarding any given experience.

Let me explain.

We are told we have 5 key senses: sight, hearing, touch, taste and smell.

But is there a 6th?

All these experiences enter our mind through the fight or flight response. Our brain then determines, very quickly, how best to either store the information into various elements or get rid of the experience.

That said, sometimes our mind takes on experiences unknowingly and, in many cases, in a way that doesn't serve us well in the future.

Your programming

The information is stored into various elements (let's call it a filing cabinet). Your mind then stores each influential piece, of any experience, into many deep-rooted areas of your mind, such as your habits, perspectives, attitudes, thoughts, actions and feelings, and much more.

This information forms part of the programming of your mind, which then influences the 2nd stage of your fight or flight response. This response tells you what to do before you have consciously thought about it.

So, where does the Bear come into it, you may ask?

Imagine your fight or flight being the on/off switch for the ingrained programming of your mind. Your deep-rooted unconscious mind (which is your Bear) controls all your decisions, thoughts, actions and feelings.

If left untrained, tamed or controlled, the Bear can get up to mischief and mentally harm you. Which can be quite devastating for you, in many ways, whether it be in life or business.

This brings attention to the 6th Sense – Our deep-rooted thoughts which become our "Bear".

Just like a giant grizzly bear, if you come face to face with a bear, and you can't control the bear, it can eat you alive, or at least cause you major harm.

The mind is exactly the same. Suppose you are not in control of the programming of your mind. In that case, your mind will have the potential to have a completely different agenda than you consciously think.

Taming your Bear

Learning to tame your Bear, to understand how it is programmed, how it thinks, interprets and acts upon information, at various levels, is crucial to enjoying life. I mean genuinely enjoying life without the need for coping strategies or mechanisms to handle life's experiences and challenges

Taking back control of your mind can be an amazing experience if you are empowered with the understanding and clarity on how to tame your Bear. This knowledge can change your present and future.

We all have a choice in life, the question to you is what choices do you wish to control about your present moment and future self?

Stress, anxiety, depression, limiting beliefs, non-epileptic seizures,

and much more are all a state of mind. If shown how to overcome, you can eradicate future mindset challenges. The question you have to ask yourself is whether you really want to make that change?

If you would like to know more about how we work with your Bear, why not get in touch.

We have a clear promise at Walking With My Bear; We will help empower you to take back control, you just need to be committed and open to support and guidance.

How to handle tough situations, sober

Today is my sober-anniversary! Unreal. Writing this today is a "sobering" (no pun intended. I did actually mean to do that!!) reflection of what I have been through. It's a reminder that I do not want to go back there.

Practising gratitude

When you feel so good, it's easy to become complacent, but that can be dangerous in recovery. I appreciate everything and everyone who has helped me and supported me to get to where I am today.

I really am amazed I survived. I say thank you every day.

Exactly this time last year I was in detox, the first day without a drink, with a massive head injury due to a seizure. I hadn't a clue what was going on, and I hadn't even started full withdrawal. It was so scary.

This is also a reminder that recovery takes time. I've been sober a year, and 5 days ago I was really in need of a drink. Thankfully, I'm still taking Antabuse, which I chose to go on.

Recovery is tough but totally possible and worth it.

I would like to think I'm strong enough now to have not picked up a drink if I wasn't taking them, but I don't really want to think about what could have happened. That is even after a year, which proves recovery is long and challenging, but totally possible and worth it, stick with it

So, what put me in the position of needing a drink, I hear you ask!?
The lovely game known as online dating. I never realised there were so many liars out there. Long story short, everything was going really well with a guy, and we had started "seeing" each other, so almost official. It was a bonus he was also nice to look at.

Then his ex rocked up one day and was not very happy, shall we say. He had warned me she didn't like seeing him happy and because she had Bi-Polar, her moods were quite unpredictable (please don't think I'm saying anything negative towards her and her issues, I don't judge anyone).

Here I was faced with a rather heated discussion. However, I used to be a custody officer, so my interpersonal skills came in handy to diffuse the situation. I've experienced a lot worse!

He apologised profusely, but then I heard nothing from him. I'm quite proud of myself for not taking it personally, but I was genuinely sad about it. Quite gutted in fact as it was going so well.

That would have been a perfect excuse to drink to numb those feelings. Even when my drinking was normal, that's how I would have dealt with it, as would the majority of people. So, with no instant relief/escape from the feelings and emotions, I had to "ride it out". I kept telling myself they are just emotions, and they will pass.

I acknowledged and processed the emotions, and sent them on their merry little way. I even asked my friend "what do 'normal' people do when they experience this feeling"… her answer "we drink"!! (how we chuckled).

Coping with situations without my alcohol crutch

So, what am I really supposed to do! I was hoping that I would wake up feeling different the next day. This didn't really make me feel any better at the time. Still, this is a life experience, and it's utterly alien to me, coping with situations without my alcohol crutch.

I tried to distract myself, which I know isn't ideal as I know it won't go away until I faced up to it and dealt with it, but I knew I'd be talking with Walking With My Bear in 3 days. Jonathan would make everything better. He always said if I need to speak; just call.

I decided to call Jonathan, and he did make me feel better. I was reminded that I am bravely exposing myself to new experiences that have the potential to weaken my inner strength. And that unconsciously the lead up to my "sober-anniversary" would be playing on my mind too.

Distraction techniques and unhelpful coping strategies - what's the alternative?

Distraction techniques may seem to work on impulse, but you need to be aware you will have to face the situation and accept it at some point.

Otherwise, you may refer back to your old unhelpful coping strategies, i.e. potential relapse as the situation will still be there.

It's about learning to close those doors to your old ways of thoughts, actions and feelings. Walking With My Bear opened my eyes and mind to make me realise I defeated a relapse. I am therefore fully capable of defeating potential relapses.

I suppose this was quite an achievement, and I should be proud of myself. I, therefore, need to work at reflecting on the progress I have made as it is so easy to let your achievements go unrecognised and take them for granted. The lack of self-praise can be quite dangerous in recovery. So please keep that in mind.

After speaking with Jonathan after the incident and reflecting back on the session, I realised there were still some issues from my past that were subconsciously bothering me. Therefore, holding me back from letting go of my unhealthy coping strategies, that don't serve me anymore.

We used the Spider Web theory, and this time I understood it a lot more. I was amazed at how even a small situation in your life can open or be linked to so many other experiences or programmed behavioural patterns later down the line.

However, the main things I opened up about were sadly not small issues, and I never speak about them. The two "doorways" that opened up were linked to past relationships and had maybe been affecting more recent ones. I decided I need to do some homework and investigate if there are any other previous issues I finally need to address.

I advise that before dealing with bigger issues tackle the smaller ones first. It will enable you to face the heavier challenges more effectively, as you will have gained confidence and strength regarding challenging your past.

There is hope out there. Reach out, it's not something you'll regret.

Jen x

How I learned to respect myself.

I can remember the exact moment when I thought “wow, my body is actually quite amazing”. 

I was on a 6-mile run in the hills, and it was the longest one I’d managed to that date. I had, for the first time in my life, respect for my body and what it was capable of doing. 

 Writing this now is actually reminding me again of my “wow moment”. I’m not sure if it’s because I really did hit rock bottom last year. I was unable to do anything for myself, I was so physically weak, my body was really on its way out, and now I was running!! I’m not going to say I “bounced back”, far from it.

Another chance. 

In the early stages, I had to have a rest from sitting up watching TV. It was a slow process, and I never thought I’d walk again, let alone run. 

I remember celebrating with the nurses when I was able to walk to the toilet unaided. Thinking back, this actually scares me, how little I could do. 

Had I been given another chance? 

I used to exercise because I had to, it was an addiction, but now I was enjoying it. Now I had this newfound respect for myself, I began listening to what my body needed (i.e. rest, more food), as I’d ignored that for decades.

These thoughts influenced me to fuel my body, which is a completely opposite mindset to when you’re in the grips of anorexia. I’ve just realised now that I abused my body, took it for granted. 

We only get one, if you look after it, it will look after you. Sorry body. Sadly it is a vicious cycle; 

• feel rubbish
• don’t care about yourself
• no respect
• merely surviving
• cover-up and hide
• recluse 

Which creates low self-worth, low self-esteem, low confidence and you wake up and do it all over again. 

Negative thoughts and coping methods.

I paid too much attention to my negative thoughts. The more I “fed them”, the more it became like a snowball effect, and a small thought turned into a massive issue.

I did a lot of work with Walking With My Bear around my confidence and self-esteem (as I’ve mentioned before) as it’s never really been there, I suppose. What confidence I had was quite literally knocked out of me in past relationships. 

I came across as confident, but that was the drink. Sober, I was a train wreck, so drinking was my go-to coping method. 

When you are that low, you don’t care, and my body seemed to be the last thing I was bothered about. You cannot start respecting your body until you start looking after it.

So how do we make a start towards gaining body respect? 

I find having a “tool” at hand helps me to deal with potential situations that may trigger your old, unhelpful ways of coping.

It’s a slow process as is everything in recovery, sadly. But I promise you it’s worth it. Start small and think of it as an investment in yourself. 

Do little, nice things for yourself (even if it’s brushing your teeth better or moisturising – I even found this hard at first) you won’t feel the benefit straight away. Still, the more you do, the better you feel. 

Go for a short walk or sit outside, slowly build yourself up. Don’t run before you can walk, I wanted to be able to do things yesterday, but it doesn’t happen like that, accept that, or else it sets you up to fail. Then you end up beating yourself up because you’ve not achieved what you expected. 

If you are unfortunately at rock bottom, it took you a long time to get there and a lot of practice. It makes sense then that this process will take time, too, both mentally and physically. 

Your mindset won’t change overnight. 

But when you start getting there, you achieve peace with yourself.

Once I started eating better and listening to hunger cues, I had more energy. I was getting stronger, getting mentally happier and therefore had more interest in everyday life. 

Your food intake is massively important for physical and mental reasons.

Slowly I started enjoying things and slowly pushed myself to do more. It felt good to be living. Fueling your body with healthy food is so important for physical recovery and fueling for your brain and mood recovery. 

80% of your serotonin levels (the happy hormone) comes from your stomach. Nutrition for your mental health is very underrated. 

Your body’s been through hell and then some, that’s why it takes time. “Working” on yourself and self-care is not selfish, you are investing time into living a happy and fulfilling life.

Are you able to monitor the times you feel negative about yourself? 

I was reading over the notes I took during some of my sessions, and the following may be of some use. 

I once sat for 60 seconds and wrote down any thoughts that popped into my head. They were all negative and critical about me. 

How much time did I waste being critical of me? 

I must continuously be beating myself up. Next to each thought, I had written down, I applied the method of asking if the thought was true and was it appropriate? 

You invest so much time into saying these things to yourself, that you genuinely believe them. However, when it’s written down, you can see them for what they really are – false, inappropriate statements with no evidence to back them up. 

These negative thoughts do us so much harm when they are irrelevant and not worthy of rising to or acting on. 

Focus on what you value, the important things in your life.

Focus your energy on positive things in your life and appreciate what you have, not what you haven’t. 

It’s all about the here and now not what’s happened (because you cannot change the past) and you can’t predict the future, but you can influence it, so take action. 

Focus on the day and don’t compare yourself to what you used to be able to do. 

I did this a lot, and once I accepted that the progress was going to be slow, I became happy and content with the small steps I was achieving. 

Something is better than nothing.

Thanks for reading. I’ll be back soon. 

Jenny x